Kids and Popularity Go Digital

At a certain age, popularity feels as though it means everything, and parents are likely to remember their own troubling time in youth when they felt that impressing the “in” crowd could not be more important. Spanning the generations, children have faced similar pressures—styling hair a certain way, wearing brand name clothing and saying the right things—but the Digital Age brings a new angle to this perpetual popularity contest: the friends list.

Having a friends list

On social networking sites, the friends list is an album of the user’s social connections, which displays links to the profiles of other registered users and gives the site the all-important networking aspect. While some users may have a handful of connections in their friends lists, other users may have hundreds. Connecting with people is part of the fun, and a friends list may grow over time, if the user holds an interest in the Web site.

If comparing themselves with the “popular” users, children could easily feel pressure to increase the number of profiles displayed in their friends list or get the impression they are unpopular. Parents may need to remind children to use the Web site for its intended purpose of entertainment, not as a measurement of how likable they are.

Keeping it real

For several reasons, a friends list does not measure popularity. First, a social networking site can only display the profiles of other registered users, so the friends list is by no means comprehensive of a user’s real world relationships. Second, a motivated user can build up a friends lists quickly and automatically through the Web site. The effort involves no more than a few clicks to send requests to people and then patience to receive their acceptance in the form of a click at their end. The mindless task of building up a friends list is very different from the relationship building required to be a friend in reality.

Finally and importantly, the actual degree of friendship varies among users who are listed in a friends list. The “friends” could range from casual acquaintances to teammates to best buds and everything in between, as well as brand new contacts the user may meet on the Web site, and, to some dismay, fake friends whose profiles some users have made up entirely. In a friends list, it is nearly impossible to distinguish a user’s true friends from others.

Worse, desperate users could pay others to appear as friends on their friends list, as reported by security blogger Bruce Schneier  in December 2006, citing a new service called “Fake Your Space.” These paid-for fake friends might even leave messages on the user’s profile page, on an agreed upon basis, to help boost a user’s image or perhaps make others jealous. This type of service drives home the point that social networking sites are as closely intertwined with a virtual world as much as reality.

While the Internet brings many changes to our lives, children still experience the same insecurities and confusion as they grow up as adults did. It is essential for parents to provide guidance over online activities. Remind children that a Web site may help to extend their social life, but it should not replace it. Children need support from parents to keep a stronger focus on their real world relationships than an online social network.

Tips for Parents:

• Find out if your children visit social networking sites. Some examples are MySpace, Gaia, Facebook, Friendster, Flickr, Bebo, and eSpin. These sites put them in touch with strangers as well as friends, so a parent needs to know if a child does this activity.
• Talk to children about their interest in the Web site. Through conversation, you may reveal any frustrations related to their social life and help them cope. These one-on-one conversations also help to ground your child in real world relationships and strengthen their social skills.
• Pay attention to the friends list displayed in their profile, much like you would want to know with whom your children go to a movie or talk over the phone.
• Make regular visits to their profile page. Not only will you keep tabs on your children and their friends, but you also will know if they publish too much personal information or inappropriate images. For tips about protecting personal information, see What Teenagers Need to Know About MySpace.

References

• Online Friendships  (Spired.com)
• Friends, Friendsters and Top 8  (FirstMonday.org)
• Schneier on Security 

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